Hiromi’s Blog

I just watched tv program about three sisters in Hiroshima who were killed by the atomic bomb. Okay, I have watched many many tv shows about it and listened to the real stories from the victims and their families. I have been to Hiroshima peace museum (I don’t know the official name in English) when I was in highschool. However, this show was great because it was about ordinary people like me who were simply looking for ordinary, yet important happiness and dreams. I don’t know if it is based on a true story, but probably so. The best (worst?) part is that the eldest sister was about to meet her boyfriend who went to the war field for a while, and right before his arrival, an atomic bomb hit it and she instantly disappeared. When he finally arrived at her house, which was of course destoried completely, only her body shape-like stain was left on a rock, and there was a small watch melted, which her boyfriend gave her when she sent him off to the war. so sad… it was well-told…how awful the war was and why so many people had to die.

August is a very heavy month as far as thinking about life. There is a war memorial week and a Buddhist holiday (supposedly, all of the dead people’s souls come home during that time) right next to each other. It became very clear to me after I lived outside of Japan. I guess I became more conscious about many things, especially history. There is nothing good about war. nothing….

ummm…very heavy…

Well, more fun stuff. Last night, I hang out with Yurie. She said that I looked like coming straight from Chicago, because how I looked and what I wore the same clothes. She came to visit me in Chicago last month, so time and place got sort of confused?! I don’t even know if that makes sense. Anyway, she made yummy dinner again…vegetable and scallop tartar, rosemary potato, chilled ratouille, and lentil soup. They were all delicious! Her lentil soup was great! She made everything by herself! I brought hummos which my family wasn’t impressed and in fact complained that I didn’t cook carrot sticks, haha pretty funny… Anyhow, she loved my hummos and her niece liked it too. The food was great as usual, but I had a wonderful time with her again. Whenever I talked to her, I felt that we were going great, and we were on a right path. I love feeling that.

okay…it is time to go to bed…
sweet dreams

I realized that I haven’t written an entry in Japanese for a long time, partially because most of my Japanese friends read English, but I am going to write this one in Japanese. (if you want, you can translate this by using Sherlock or some other stuff).

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ummm, I didn’t write anything about you guys in Japanese, hahaha, except Harper as a reference to my friend. I felt ovulation today (weird? but I can feel it). I hope that pms wouldn’t bother me too much this time. It should be okay though. I received my thesis edited by my professor by air mail today. She already approved it. I am still working on the project which my professor introduced me (my first publishing opportunity?). I don’t feel like weekend…I wonder what my friends in Chicago doing on this weekend…

I hang out with Kaori today. It has been over 1 year since I saw her last time in Chicago, but it seems that we caught up very quickly. We had a great lunch at Tempura restaurant, and this cute cafe ran by a cute woman. I asked her to make double espresso over ice which is not on menu, but it was delicious. It is located in a hidden place and the interior is very nice like someone’s house. We sat on a couch and talked a lot.

When Kaori came to Chicago, she cried so many time because of mean immigration officers, overwhelming city, and bathroom flood. Now it is very funny and we laughed. She loves Paper Source, a store full of papers and paper related goods. She wants to go there again. There are so many new roads and new names of cities, which confused me a little. Today was super hot. I heard it got 37 degree, which is human body temparture, right? We were under the airconditioner, but inside of her car was dangerously hot when we came back to the car.

The cafe is called Doux–Calm in French, I heard. I am sure that I will be back there sometime soon. I cooked a dinner for my family. Chinese style spicy, but not too spicy eggplant..It was good, I thought. Tomorrow, I hope I will finish re-organizing my room. My parents’ dogs are cute! One of them is super friendly and ADDish–haha–, and another one is very cautious, sensitive and patient. It is funny how they interact each other.

Despite a lot of caffeine, I am getting sleepy. I go to bed early and get up early, which is very good, but it might be a temporary thing. I did yoga by myself, but not a whole hour. It is challenging doing that by myself, but I know it is helpful. I am feeling good today and healthy with no stress.

I saw a preview of the movie, Sayuri based on the novel, memoir of geisha, on tv. Zan Zi Yi plays Sayuri, and everyone speaks English. Casting is like a Hong Kong movie (Gong Li, Michelle Yoh)/ Last Samurai (Ken Watanabe), and I felt a little bit weird about it, but I want to see it still. The book was good, I thought. I should go to see the latest Miyazaki movie which is still played at a movie theater, kind of like Logan sqr one. Has it released in the U.S. yet? I love his movies. I usually don’t like anime, but his movies are exception. Maybe next week, I will go to see it.

That cute cafe becomes my favorite!

In my head I knew I am in Japan, but I was confused when I woke up in my room. Where am I? I miss my Chicago apartment. It was a nice place. I miss my roommates. I miss my friends… A big typhoon is coming tonight and should leave tomorrow morning. It is rainning pretty hard now.

I sent 7 boxed before I left, and one of them arrived here before me. pretty fast. The others should take at least 6 weeks. I have two suitcases and one box. that is it.

I just talked to Harper through AOL messenger. It worked! There was a duration, but I am happy that I got to talk to him.

I need a cell phone, maybe use my mom’s. She hardly uses it according to my dad. I don’ t think it is a latest model, but much better than the one I had in Chicago. I have a lot to catch up here.

everything seems very fresh? to me, and everything seems smaller than what I remember. I feel like I am huge. TV is very addictive, since I didn’t know much about what is going on. I know the current political issues through the online news, but what is trend/ hip here is still mystery to me. Everyone dresses nice here. very slender and very fashionable. I miss Daily Show, but I can see it online version which is one day old. I remember that I like watching several news shows before, so I am excited about watching these shows and again. Aparently, the population here is decreasing drastically, becaue people stop having a baby. My parents were saying that people like me (not married) is a part of this problem. They were sort of joking but sort of serious. I really need to find a job and move… It is not healthy for me to stay here too long. Too much pressure for me… A number of death is larger than a number of birth, and it is getting a serious problem, because of social security, retirement plan, and tax. It seems like many problems here as well.

a good thing is that I can use my insurance! yey! I can even use it for acupuncture. My mom and I will go tomorrow. See how it goes. It should be cheap like $5 or $10. I am excited. My grandma has alzheimer’s disease. It has been a couple years since my mom started going to her house everyday. My mom is exhausted and stressed out. They don’t want to send her to a nursing home, because that is considered shame. My dad is helping to, but out of control. my grandpa is very forgettful and does crazy things too, like putting toothpaste on his rash and eating other people’s dish at the table. They don’t sometimes even remember if they ate or not, and accusing my mom not to give them any food. It is a mess. They are my mom’s parents. I read Amy Tan’s The Opposite of Fate and am rereading it now. She mentioned her mom who had a similar problem. very tough. It is a great book and encouraged me to finish my thesis and keep writing. Her life is very interesting in many different levels. Even if I am having a hard time now, she convinced me that I should stick with what I want to do. I really should have bought Margaret Chow’s DVDs. She always cheers me up. I should get it, but the region is different. oh well, I figure it out.

Yesterday, I had a yummy sushi for lunch. It was very delicious. Fish tastes so good and flavorful. everything is yummy here. My mom’s homemade pickle is great. I realized that there are so many restaurants everywhere. Japan is a food obsessed people’s heaven for sure.

Everything is opposited here…

I just got here in Japan at my parents’ house, not being able to use my laptop. sucks, right? I thought that I could simply connect DSL line to my laptop, but it didn’t work. My brother don’t know how to do it too. I feel clam now. no more crying… I guess that crying wasn’t so bad though. The more I had a great time, the more I got sad.

My flight was 13 hours. That was very long. Luckly, I had an empty seat next me, so I streched my legs or lie down for a little bit. Oh when I was waiting for boading at the gate, the immigration people took non-U.S. citizens’ finger prints and pictures. Immigration regulation is getting harder and harder.

I am exhausted…it is 12:20 am here, and I think it is 2:20 pm in Chicago. It is raining here, and I heard that a typhoon is comming. I am going to see Yurie and Kaori soon. That is exciting!

good night my friends,
sweet dreams

You never know what is going to happen in your life, my friend said today. Yeah, I know that, but we both are very aware of what livining in another country actually means to us, so what she said meant a lot to us. She is struggling with her life as I am, and so does everyone (who doesn’t?), but we share so much worries and potentiality as well. Okay, it’s too abstract for you guys to understand what I am talking about. You know, this is on internet, meaning in public, so I have to be careful, right?

She is a good friend of mine and went to school with me. We are both from Japan, but she spent so many years here in the States when she was young. We both study art history, and I was very excited meeting her in my second year of grad school, because I was an only Japanese student in the program in my first year. She is very smart and went to very prestagious school in Tokyo. She is tough, yet sweet, and very independent. She is very pretty too. We didn’t hang out much, probably because we are very similar in a way of socializing. We both enjoy being alone too. She has a great boyfriend and very nice supportive family, and she is young and smart, so I thought, “wow, she is a lucky one with no worries whatsoever,” but truth is that she also struggles with many things. I ran into her at Joy Yee, a Chinese restaurant, before my Colorado trip, and I told her that I am leaving soon, so we decided to hang out.

I had a coffee with her this afternoon for only a few hours, but we were both happy to see each other and talked about many things. Many conversations we had made me think a lot of things: mainly good things, but also difficult things too. Why is life hard? I guess that is how it is, but I also know that life is very precious and could be delightful depending on how to take it. We also talked about how important our friends and families are, and how rarely you can meet people whom you can naturally get along with, and it doesn’t matter how hard you try or think, but it seems to happen randomly, so we should care of these precious encounter and people. Sometimes, we are blind to realize how important people around us are…we take so many things and people for granted.

I don’t believe in god, but destiny (somebody said that believing in destiny is very similar to believing in god…I don’t know about it though). Destiny could be changable, I think, depending on how to think about it. Maybe destiny is not a right word here…

I have very mixed feelings these days, and am very sentimental. I can’t help it… I am attached to people, places, and the way of life here. Don’t give me wrong though. I am excited about going back to Japan now! That’s good. Why can’t I get to live in both counties? It is possible, but just not happening now.

I love reading a book called “All about Love” written by belle hook, which my old roommate, Matt, introduced me 3 years ago when I was very heartbroken. I sort of forgot about the book, I mean, I just didn’t think about the book as much. I started reading it tonight after my headache nap? I cried in the first few pages just like last time when I read it. It helps me to let my emotion out. The book talks about many kinds of love, not only romantic ones, but also parent-child, friends, and more. It might be too much if you feel calm, but it would be very helpful to sort things out when you feel emotional. It works at least for me.

My body is upsetting since I abused it for a little bit. Packing, lack of sleep, stressing out myself too much… But I am hanging on there. My headache is gone now. That is really good. I have basically onle one day. I still need to do stuff (packing and cleaning) before I go. It is not so much though.

Sweet dreams to everyone

I just finished my version of thesis! I was basically revising it for a long time. I know it’s a last minuite, but I feel good about it. Now I need to have my professors read it (they have read the older version already though) and put the images together and bind it and such. I don’t know I can get all of this done by Mon, but at least, I accomplished the main part. I feel good.

Why didn’t I get it done earlier? Well, you know, how that is… The school started charging art history students $500 if they don’t finish their master’s thesis by the end of summer after their graduation. Luckly?!, it doesn’t apply to me and the others who graduated before summer 2004. But I guess I would have finished it by the end of last summer if they decided this new rule earlier. Anyway, it’s good to get things done, because I didn’t feel good about it.

I just went to Becca’s baby shower today. It was so much fun! I got to hang out with those people whom I haven’t seen for a long time. many many cool people!

I am very excited for her, and I really wish that I could be there for her while she is having a baby. I will be in Japan by the time when her baby is born. But that’s okay… I will come visit them or they will come visit me. She is my oldest friend in Chicago, excluding my roommates.

I just started inviting my friends for my going away party on Fri. I try not to get sad, and baby shower was helpful in terms of letting it out and hearing a lot of sympathy from nice people.

Oh I went to a really strange cafe/ hair salon on Montrose owned by an Asian lady who used to live in Japan for 8 years. I think it is a good idea to have cafe and hair salon together, but it took her good 10 min to make 3 cups of coffee, and they weren’t good…sad… I went there with Mary (it was very fun to hang out with her, since I haven’t seen her for a long time and I love her sister, Gretchen too!), and we were cracking up right after leaving the place. The lady could tell that I am Japanese… and very bossy to her husbandish person who made coffee. They used a little espresso machine which apparently doesn’t function well. very funny…She might be a good stylist though for Asian hair…

Ok, I am getting tired after using my brain intensively for my thesis. Tomorrow, I will send it to my professors. It is about 60 pages. I want to read it again after refreshing my brain by sleeping…

good night..

Last night, too many thoughts took over my head—a lot of worries and sadness. I was working on my thesis, and I was doing very well. I was happy what I have done last night–no doubt. I was super exhausted and tried to fall asleep, and it hit me—I subconsciouly started thinking about many many things–people, career, time, age, health? (why? I don’t know), and so on. It was totally crazy, and I don’t know how it started. Well, I am in a transitional state, so it is natural that these concerns occur to me, but it fluctuated my emotion like a roller coaster. I started crying–more like weeping. I couldn’t stop it. I was stuck in a negative land…I hate not being able to fall asleep. Harper took me out from there. And I thought, how do I deal with this without him, and I got sad again. I just needed to let it out though. He is very good at leading me to a positive direction without ignoring reality and reasonable explanation. Thank you, Harper…

I feel much much better today. I am working on my thesis now (having a little break now). I try not to freak myself out, that is my goal for this week. This is not the end of the world, isn’t this?