Hiromi Usagi!

You never know what is going to happen in your life, my friend said today. Yeah, I know that, but we both are very aware of what livining in another country actually means to us, so what she said meant a lot to us. She is struggling with her life as I am, and so does everyone (who doesn’t?), but we share so much worries and potentiality as well. Okay, it’s too abstract for you guys to understand what I am talking about. You know, this is on internet, meaning in public, so I have to be careful, right?

She is a good friend of mine and went to school with me. We are both from Japan, but she spent so many years here in the States when she was young. We both study art history, and I was very excited meeting her in my second year of grad school, because I was an only Japanese student in the program in my first year. She is very smart and went to very prestagious school in Tokyo. She is tough, yet sweet, and very independent. She is very pretty too. We didn’t hang out much, probably because we are very similar in a way of socializing. We both enjoy being alone too. She has a great boyfriend and very nice supportive family, and she is young and smart, so I thought, “wow, she is a lucky one with no worries whatsoever,” but truth is that she also struggles with many things. I ran into her at Joy Yee, a Chinese restaurant, before my Colorado trip, and I told her that I am leaving soon, so we decided to hang out.

I had a coffee with her this afternoon for only a few hours, but we were both happy to see each other and talked about many things. Many conversations we had made me think a lot of things: mainly good things, but also difficult things too. Why is life hard? I guess that is how it is, but I also know that life is very precious and could be delightful depending on how to take it. We also talked about how important our friends and families are, and how rarely you can meet people whom you can naturally get along with, and it doesn’t matter how hard you try or think, but it seems to happen randomly, so we should care of these precious encounter and people. Sometimes, we are blind to realize how important people around us are…we take so many things and people for granted.

I don’t believe in god, but destiny (somebody said that believing in destiny is very similar to believing in god…I don’t know about it though). Destiny could be changable, I think, depending on how to think about it. Maybe destiny is not a right word here…

I have very mixed feelings these days, and am very sentimental. I can’t help it… I am attached to people, places, and the way of life here. Don’t give me wrong though. I am excited about going back to Japan now! That’s good. Why can’t I get to live in both counties? It is possible, but just not happening now.

I love reading a book called “All about Love” written by belle hook, which my old roommate, Matt, introduced me 3 years ago when I was very heartbroken. I sort of forgot about the book, I mean, I just didn’t think about the book as much. I started reading it tonight after my headache nap? I cried in the first few pages just like last time when I read it. It helps me to let my emotion out. The book talks about many kinds of love, not only romantic ones, but also parent-child, friends, and more. It might be too much if you feel calm, but it would be very helpful to sort things out when you feel emotional. It works at least for me.

My body is upsetting since I abused it for a little bit. Packing, lack of sleep, stressing out myself too much… But I am hanging on there. My headache is gone now. That is really good. I have basically onle one day. I still need to do stuff (packing and cleaning) before I go. It is not so much though.

Sweet dreams to everyone